Dear Sirius
by thesongneverended
Summary: A series of unsent letters from Remus Lupin to Sirius Black. Background Remus/Tonks


12 November, 1981

Sirius,

It's nearly been two weeks and I still can't believe you killed them

You loved James so much. You two were always the best of friends. And I can't believe that you would sell him and Lily out to Voldemort. That'd you'd put Harry in danger. And that'd you'd hurt Peter, and all those innocent muggles. You always despised Dark wizards - ever since I can remember you've gone out of your way to stand up to them. So, why did you?

That's all I need to know Sirius. Please.

Do they even give you letters in Azkaban?

Remus

P.S. - The funeral was huge. Everyone was there. Except Harry. They've sent him to live with his muggle relatives.

* * *

31 October, 1982

Sirius,

It's a year to the night they died. In two days time, it's the anniversary of when you killed the only other friend I had left.

I hate you.

Remus

* * *

1 November, 1982

Sirius,

I actually don't hate you. I hate myself because I can't bring myself to despise the only friend I've got left.

Remus

* * *

30 January, 1985

Sirius,

Do you remember the time we took Lily out for her birthday seventh year, and you'd stolen a bottle of firewhiskey? We all got properly pissed and then tried to play a game of Quidditch. I don't believe McGonagall ever fully forgave us for that. Between the five of us, we cost Gryffindor about 200 points. And they were all furious at us, until you and James rigged up some elaborate prank to play on the Slytherins that cheered us up.

It's Lily's birthday today. I miss her. I miss you.

Remus

* * *

1 September, 1991

Sirius,

It's the start of Harry's first term.

We were all supposed to be there: you and James and Lily and I. James would have been trying to hide the fact he was crying and Lily'd be threatening to hex us into the next century if we kept giving Harry the wrong impression about following the rules.

They don't get to see him go to Hogwarts now.

I hope it was worth it.

Remus

* * *

10 August, 1993

Sirius,

Wherever you are now, don't think about coming after Harry. If you hurt that boy, I swear I will find you and kill you myself. I won't wait for the Dementors.

I'm going to be teaching at Hogwarts this year. I'll look after him, like his parents and his godfather were supposed to.

Remus

* * *

12 March, 1994

Sirius

He found the map. Seeing him there, with the map in his hands, I thought James was back again.

Remus

* * *

1 July, 1994

Dear Sirius,

I'm sorry I doubted you. I should've known that you could never have betrayed James and Lily about that. And I'm sorry Peter got away. You don't deserve to live like this, on the run constantly. One day we'll find a way to clear your name, I promise.

I got sacked, you know. Snape let slip about my furry little problem at breakfast the morning after your daring escape. I doubt I'll be able to get a job anywhere now. Oddly enough, the fact I've suddenly got my best friend back makes it a little easier to stomach.

I'll be seeing you soon,

Remus

* * *

2 November, 1994

Dear Sirius,

Harry's name came out of the Goblet of Fire. Are you in contact with him? Has he said anything?

Tell him to be cautious - people have died in that tournament. He's only a boy, no matter what he might have done in the past.

Keep safe,

Remus

* * *

1 July, 1995

Dear Sirius,

Hope you're safe on your travels. I wished you could've stayed longer, but Dumbledore needs you to get the old team back together.

How's Harry doing? Has he written to you? Dumbledore's given us strict orders not to contact him, but maybe you've spoken to him recently? You never were good at following orders.

Keep safe,

Remus

* * *

19 June, 1996

Dear Sirius,

You bastard.

You don't get to do this to me, to come back into my life and to just leave like that. We barely had two years back together, and then you go get yourself killed and you left me alone. Again.

I miss you. Give James and Lily my love.

Remus

* * *

13 October, 1996

Dear Sirius,

Happy birthday.

Remus

* * *

12 December, 1996

Dear Sirius,

I don't know why I'm still writing these to you. Perhaps I feel like I can hear your voice better when I write. You're not going to get these stupid things any more.

I need your advice now more than ever, Padfoot. Tonks doesn't seem to understand that I want to protect her from me, from the dangers of loving someone with my condition. She still says she loves me, and I think I might be in love with her, but I can't let myself fall in love right now. We could be dead any day.

You'd tell me to go for it, that you only live once and that I should just go over there and snog her senseless. Maybe you'd say something different, now that you've seen how dangerous charging head-on into things can be.

It's hard now to see any hope for victory. Was it this hard, the first time?

Remus

* * *

2 July, 1997

Dear Sirius,

Dumbledore's dead. Snape killed him. You were right.

Tonks and I are together now, though. She and I talked, and I realized how thick I'd been. If I could die tomorrow, I don't want to die not having let myself have happiness.

You'd want me to be happy.

Remus

* * *

17 July, 1997

Dear Sirius,

I made an honest woman out of Tonks. Well, Dora's the nickname now, as she's now a Lupin. She'd say she finally made an honest man out of me, which is probably the more apt description.

Wish you'd been there. You'd have made a great best man.

Remus

* * *

29 August, 1997

Dear Sirius,

I'm going to be a father.

Out of the four of us, I was never the one who was going to have kids. Remember, you all would joke that I'd be celibate and die the owner of a lonely bookshop with five cats?

What if the child's a werewolf like me? What if I ruined this baby's life?

Tell me what to do.

Remus

* * *

4 September, 1997

Dear Sirius,

I fought with Harry a few days ago. He told me I was being cowardly because I left Dora. He made me actually stop and think about just what I was doing, running away from my responsibilities.

You'd be proud of him. You probably would have yelled at me just as much.

If James and Lily are with you, tell them they should be proud too.

Remus

* * *

25 December, 1997

Dear Sirius,

Happy Christmas.

Remus

* * *

4 April, 1998

Dear Sirius,

It's a boy! I have a son!

His name's Ted, after Dora's father. Teddy Remus Lupin. And he's perfect and whole, and they don't think he's a werewolf.

This is the happiest day of my life.

Remus

P.S. - I made Harry godfather.

* * *

1 May, 1998

Dear Padfoot,

I think I'm going to stop writing to you soon.

It's not because I don't care about you anymore, or I want to forget. But I can't keep living in the past for the rest of my life - however long that might be. I've got my family now, and they're what matters to me.

You'll always be one of the most important parts of my life - you and James and Lily. You gave me hope for so long. I wish we could have spent more time together. Maybe we'll meet again someday, but until then I've got to take care of the people I still have.

You're still my best mate.

With all of my love,

Moony

* * *

Dear Moony,

I didn't want to see you this soon. And I'm so sorry that Teddy won't have you in his life. You'd have made a wonderful dad. And I'm sorry that Dora came with you. She was a wonderful witch, and she should have led a long and happy life.

But still. It's nice to see you again.

Welcome home,

Padfoot


End file.
